If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
