he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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