the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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