I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
