brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
