Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
