I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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