Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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