Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
