I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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