After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
