i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
