Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
