did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
