clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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