She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
