And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You need a sexual gate keeper
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
