Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
