be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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