The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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