I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
