Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
