I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize