can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
