Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
