I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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