the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
