I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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