textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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