we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
