What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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