she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
