I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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