if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think your dad took our porno
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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