I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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