Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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