I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
