I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
