My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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