Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
