I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
