Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
