Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
