You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
