Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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