I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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