Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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