apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
