Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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