you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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