i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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