Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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