im drinking this country out of the recession.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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