Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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