Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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