I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
