Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
