you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have feelings that need drinking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
