Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
