I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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