I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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