Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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