I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping