I hate all girls vehemently.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.