Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?